On Power & Control

The illusion of ultimate power
Drives an insecure mind
How long has been the journey
To this point in time?
The illusion of outward control
When all is based inside
How useless is the struggle
Based on false pride.

Real strength must look within
Only self can be controlled
All else is doomed to failure
Illusions will break and fall.
Anger drives the fury
Of all the pent up rage
The barriers have fallen
It has been loosed from its cage.

It tore a path of near destruction
And lashed out at all those near
And what was the conclusion?
It was really nothing but fear.
When there is no true belief in self
When there is no peace within
Any facade will quickly shatter
And the rage will roar right in.

So now the damage has been done
What lesson is learned here?
The steady task of self-repair
Must begin with overcoming fear.
Pull back, pull back and go within
The solution never left
Going back is not an option
Standing still you will just drift.

Others hold the belief in you
That you have failed to hold yourself
Stop expecting them to prop you up
Start building it yourself.
But this must be built without the walls
That have failed you so thus far
There are no walls within true self
And true self cannot be scarred.

When you live true and in the moment
There is no need for fear
Because what is in the here and now
Cannot be altered here.
Accept what is in every second
And walk the path of peace
Stay within, build no more walls
And the rage will finally cease.

Time Flies

If last year had been a fish, I would have thrown it back. I'm thinking that must explain the lack of writing. Cancer is something that you always think happens to someone else; I'm here to say - not so! Tomorrow I will have one year cancer free and that small fact has caused me to look at what is important in life - bottom line - absolutely nothing.

The Buddhists believe that human life is one of the highest forms of life, so to waste it on laying up treasures on earth is quite fruitless. The "Big C" as John Wayne used to call cancer, doesn't care who you, what you are or what you have - it will grab you and spin your world around; it will consume your every waking moment and permeate your dreams; if you are not careful, it will start to define you.

So today my focus is on becoming more mindful, more spiritual - enjoying the simpler things of life, being grateful for every moment, and recognizing that our journey here is transient - a mere blip on the tableau of the infinite.

Tomorrow will not be a wild celebration, it will be a quiet regular day, taking care of the basic things in life, looking forward to watching a little 4 year old look for eggs on Easter morning, and enjoying her face when she sees the Cinderella Easter Basket that is currently sitting on my dining room table awaiting it's new adoring owner.

My advice, if I may humbly offer it, do not wait until death looks you in the face, stop and spend time within yourself now, find peace - all else will take care of itself.

Thoughts on the Passing of an Icon

You would have to be in the darkest reaches of the Amazon jungle not to know about the death of Michael Jackson. Today the worst fears of a nurse who knew him, were realized when it was announced that an anaesthetic drug had been found in the drugs taken from his home, and that his body had been covered in hypodermic needle marks. I had already had thoughts about the comparison with the death of Elvis Presley and the more recent death of Anna Nicole Smith. It would seem that if you have the money, there is no shortage of "not so ethical" doctors who are willing to pander to the every demand of an unstable, insecure person. It has been reported that Jackson was adamantly against street drugs, but that he was comfortable in that all of his drugs were prescribed and therefore "OK". Sadly, he did not account for unethical doctors willing to be "Yes" people for his every demand because he paid them so generously. This is doubly disgusting to me in a country where some truly sick people cannot afford health care.

Then the second strange phenomenon starts in this country - the compulsive obsession of the media with famous people. We are subjected hour after hour, day after day with endless programs about the person, their life, speculation about their death, and a sordid fascination with every ugly piece of half-truth that can be dug up and displayed. Finally, there are those particularly despicable paparazzi who haunt the rich and famous looking for the "sensational" photo that equally sordid tabloids will pay out a fortune to have the exclusive publishing rights. Who needed to see the picture of Jackson, obviously dead, in the ambulance with a trach. tube in his throat? No-one; but someone took it and sold it, so it could be displayed on the media.

On my Facebook page I quoted the following statistics:
Over 25,000 children die every day around the world. That is equivalent to: •1 child dying every 3.5 seconds •17-18 children dying every minute •A 2004 Asian Tsunami occurring almost every 1.5 weeks •An Iraq-scale death toll every 16–38 days •Over 9 million children dying every year •Some 70 million children dying between 2000 and 2007 The silent killers are poverty, hunger, easily preventable diseases.
I made the plea that if only such information could get the same media attention.

What is our fascination with the sordid and the gruesome? Are we so insecure and fearful about the truth in our own lives that watching someone elses' life details being saturated by the media makes us feel "OK"? So we can say, "Look at that, at least I'm not THAT bad", and then we can continue with our own personal dysfunction. In the recovery programs there is a saying, "When you point a finger, there are three more fingers pointing back at you". If you are someone who has been discussing all of the sordid details of Jackson's life around the water cooler at work - go home and look in the mirror.

Health - a right or a priviledge

I learned of a death yesterday that need not have happened. Much is being debated at this time about health care in America. I grew up in England where one never had to think about whether one could go to the doctor or afford medication. In California where I live now, the Governor is proposing to cut the State Healthy Families program that provides health care to those who fall in the gap between Medicaid and working for an employer who cannot afford to provide medical insurance for his employees. Healthy Families provides low cost insurance for thousands of hard working families.

The person that died yesterday had insurance. She had been sick for a year with an ear problem that was never treated correctly. This person had clawed her way back from drug addiction and mental illness to regain her nurse's license and work again in the field that she loved, only to die because of an incompetent, red-tape driven, pharmaceutical controlled system. There has to be a better way.

I think we have become too greedy and self-centered in this country to the point that if we're OK then damn everyone else. What has happened to us? Where is the compassion? This country claims to be, by and large, a Christian one. Did not Christ tell his followers that if they had two coats then give one to the person who has none? No-one in this country should have to choose between food or heat, heat or medicine, lights or food. We are all over the globe fighting wars for other people who don't even want us there, and not fighting for peace in countries where genocide is a common occurrence.

I do not claim to have the answers, but just as a small child knows when things are fair or not, I know that our approach is not right, it is not Christian, it is not what Mother Teresa, Ghandi or the Dalai Lama would teach. We admire these people and yet if we all had just an ounce of their worldly compassion, no-one in this country would die needlessly.

Rest in Peace Suzanne.

A poem for Memorial Day

Strange Meeting by Wilfred Owen

It seemed that out of the battle I escaped
Down some profound dull tunnel, long since scooped
Through granites which Titanic wars had groined.
Yet also there encumbered sleepers groaned,
Too fast in thought or death to be bestirred.
Then, as I probed them, one sprang up, and stared
With piteous recognition in fixed eyes,
Lifting distressful hands as if to bless.
And by his smile, I knew that sullen hall;
With a thousand fears that vision's face was grained;
Yet no blood reached there from the upper ground,
And no guns thumped, or down the flues made moan.
"Strange, friend," I said, "Here is no cause to mourn."
"None," said the other, "Save the undone years,
The hopelessness. Whatever hope is yours,
Was my life also; I went hunting wild
After the wildest beauty in the world,
Which lies not calm in eyes, or braided hair,
But mocks the steady running of the hour,
And if it grieves, grieves richlier than here.
For by my glee might many men have laughed,
And of my weeping something has been left,
Which must die now. I mean the truth untold,
The pity of war, the pity war distilled.
Now men will go content with what we spoiled.
Or, discontent, boil bloody, and be spilled.
They will be swift with swiftness of the tigress,
None will break ranks, though nations trek from progress.
Courage was mine, and I had mystery;
Wisdom was mine, and I had mastery;
To miss the march of this retreating world
Into vain citadels that are not walled.
Then, when much blood had clogged their chariot-wheels
I would go up and wash them from sweet wells,
Even with truths that lie too deep for taint.
I would have poured my spirit without stint
But not through wounds; not on the cess of war.
Foreheads of men have bled where no wounds were.
I am the enemy you killed, my friend.
I knew you in this dark; for so you frowned
Yesterday through me as you jabbed and killed.
I parried; but my hands were loath and cold.
Let us sleep now . . ."

RIP all who have given their lives.

Mother's Day Proclamation

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

by JuliaWard Howe (1870)

A light exists in spring

A light exists in spring
Not present on the year
At any other period.
When March is scarcely here

A color stands abroad
On solitary hills
That science cannot overtake,
But human nature feels.

It waits upon the lawn;
It shows the furthest tree
Upon the furthest slope we know;
It almost speaks to me.

Then, as horizons step,
Or noons report away,
Without the formula of sound,
It passes, and we stay:

A quality of loss
Affecting our content,
As trade had suddenly encroached
Upon a sacrament.

Emily Dickinson