Thoughts on the law of detachment.

Deepak Chopra teaches us that law of detachment says, “in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. This doesn't mean you give up the intention to create your desire. You give up your attachment to the result”. (The Seven Spirituals Laws of Success)

Over and over again in my life I have witnessed that when I wanted some particular direction to unfold in my life, I would try to control or manipulate my world such that what I wanted would transpire. It has never worked! As soon as I relinquished control, what I wanted appeared before me. When I read Chopra’s words I knew exactly what he meant.

In the final months before I left the UK to come to the US, a friend of mine asked me what I wanted to do there for a career. I already had my BA in psychology and I thought I wanted to be an educational psychologist and work with children. I remember distinctly telling my friend, “I know what I’m NOT going to be, I’m NOT going to be one of those therapist people!”

Shortly after arriving here I went to the local Cal State University and applied for a place in a Masters Program---I was rejected!! What??? Apparently I failed to show sufficiently how my British degree equated to the US education system. You’ve got to be kidding me??? Don’t they know who I am??? I withdrew my application and looked for some appropriate pre-requisites to take. Another block – I had to establish residency!! Aww c’mon!! I withdrew altogether.

Barely a week later I received a call from a local group home with whom I had submitted an application and I was hired. Some months later, due to a miscommunication, I ended up at a bus depot to pick up residents back from weekend passes along with a colleague from another one of the homes (only one of us should have been there). I complained about my college woes and she gave information on the private college that she was attending that had an accelerated program which would probably accept me without the Cal State requirements. I applied – they accepted. What was the program? A Masters in Counseling – I was on my way to becoming a therapist!!!

I share that story a lot with my clients when talking about control issues and the need to trust that a power greater than ourselves has it all under control just fine – if only we would allow it.

I must have forgotten my own words, because last year I found myself in need of extra finances and started applying to various colleges for an adjunct teaching position. There was one university where I particularly wanted to teach – they rejected my application. What?? Don’t they know who I am?? I called – I got my interview – and got rejected again. I got polite letters from the other colleges stating that they would hold my information on file. I stopped chasing and started reducing my expenses to gain a handle on my finances.

A few weeks later I received a call from a local community college – would I be interested in teaching on-line – would I??? I now teach on-line to entry-level would-be counselors – and I’m loving it. In the 12-Step programs it is said that you can only keep what you have by giving it away. Teaching is a wonderful way to keep oneself up-to-date by giving away what one has learned.

One other example from my life: when I reached the age of 40 and was still single, I concluded that I must be meant to live alone, and I made peace with the idea. Just a few months later someone walked into my life with whom I have now lived for nearly 14 years.
So when I read Chopra’s words – I understood fully – as long as you retain an ‘attachment’ – a ‘must have’ mentality – you will not achieve what you desire; let it go and will come to you freely. To quote Melissa Etheridge, “The universe listens”.