Thoughts on a job I never wanted

I read this today: “True leadership is a combination of initiative and humility. The best leader remains obscure, leading but drawing no personal attention. As long as the collective has direction, the leader is satisfied. Credit is not taken, it will be awarded when the people realize that it was the subtle influence of the leader that brought them success.” (Meditations on the Tao. Deng Ming-Dao)

I find myself in a position I never wanted – running a County Clinic! All because of the almighty dollar that runs our lives no matter how hard we try not to allow it. As I see it I have two choices – to go completely insane and/or become physically ill (my Doc is already having me come in every 3 weeks to check my blood pressure which is elevated for the first time in my life), or to live within my spiritual beliefs which are the only way to true serenity.

So what do I believe? I know that there is no mythical God out there sitting on a cloud with a bunch of Aryan-looking beauties playing harps. I know there is no Hell in which we will fry if we break a bunch of rules. How could anything be worse than the hell we have created on this beautiful planet? Jesus was a smart man – he knew – 2,000 years of misinterpretation has led us to today. He supposedly said, “Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet they are fed. (My words). Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.” In a nutshell – what the f**k are we all so stressed about???

Deng Ming-Dao says, “ Only a few can truly say that they are living their lives exactly according to their desires. For the majority of us, life is a series of conflicts between our inner ideas and outer constrictions.” So I guess my challenge must be to work within the constrictions that I have set up for myself while maintaining my own belief system, and work toward incorporating that belief system into easing the wretched constrictions within which I find myself.

Deng Ming-Dao also says, “What we are all seeking is clarity. True clarity is more than just being smart, more than just being wise. Clarity…..comes when you can unite all the faculties of the mind and unify them into a magnificent light of perception.”
My first thought on that – I have shut my stupid head up first! So I work at meditation and I read the writings of the masters who understand that there is only “oneness” even though we all choose “separateness”.

Oh to have another lifetime armed with the clues that I am only just finding in this life. Such are my futile thoughts.