Things I learned in hospital

1) I learned to be grateful that I was asleep before they shaved me.

2) I learned that if you fill someone full of morphine, have a bucket ready when you stand them up for the first time.

3) I learned that it's not a good idea to have a muscle spasm just as the nurse turns away, your screams will scare her.

4) I learned that after 2 days without eating, jello is THE best food in the world.

5) I learned that Doctors make lousy nurses especially when it comes to removing dressings.

6) But most of all I learned that if the only words you remember through the pain and haze are, "No cancer", spend every day that follows in gratitude.